Say Uncle

My Mom's birthday is coming up this week. And for some reason that makes me think of her brother. Not sure why, but it does. Now her brother, my uncle, is a man that I never met but am always (secretly) compared to by my family. He never gets mentioned by the family, but I embody all his promises and am sort of the new 'him.' It just so happens that he's dead.

The story of DL was told to me by my father. Yes, the father that I don't speak to anymore. He told me because no one in my family ever will. The wounds, even after 23 years (which is when my Dad actually told me) had not quite healed and never will. Sure, they told me that he had been murdered, and gave me thumbnail sketches of who he was and that I acted just like him (and judging from the pictures, we struck a fair resemblance) but that was about it. I think it was fitting that I heard about DL through my father, who was his friend and (if I remember correctly) was partially to blame for setting up my Dad and Mom. Odd.

So apparently DL was this amazing fellow who had a heart of gold but an amazing wild streak--his CB radio handle wasn't "Bushman" for nothing--and knew how to have fun and drive women crazy. He also would give you the shirt off his back (and apparently did--literally--to my father from time to time. They were drinking buddies and things got out of hand occasionally). DL apparently had horrible taste in women. There is no truth to rumor that he fancied Redheads but I think we were kindred spirits.

So DL was about 20 years old, 2 years older than my Mom by the way, and while he loved having fun and doing his own thing he finally decided to settle down with one woman. To this day no one has told me her name, and that's probably a good thing, but I believe that they were married. Anyways, they were living together.

Now DL and this woman apparently loved each other but also could never go 15 minutes without arguing over something. And often it got out of hand. In a shouting way. My Dad claimed that DL never laid a hand on her and it was not in his nature to hit women anyways. But they would argue and shout and fuss and cuss. But one night, things got ugly. During one of their arguments DL's wife slit his throat with a Kitchen knife, hitting the jugular. DL tried to run out of the house but made it to the driveway before collapsing. Because they fought and because they were alone she claimed self-defense and was never tried. Obviously, my family never believed her.

The fallout to this was huge. My grandfather, having just lost his only son, vowed to never lose his daughter and thus threw an iron curtain around my Mom. This led my Dad to give her an ultimatum: marry me now or leave me. After she graduated high school they go married. The two never were a perfect match and eventually divorced when I was in 3rd or 4th grade.

Beyond this, I was positioned to fill DL's shoes. Now, no one on my Mom's side has come out and said this, and how could they really, but my Dad believes it so and so do I. I slept in the same room he did when he grew up (my Mom lives in the same house she in which grew up, my grandparents rarely would go into my room btw), I was always cherished and loved a bit more, and always had a few more expectations to go with it. I also think thats why my Mom and I have such a great relationship too. She loves me for me, but I also think she sees a bit of her brother inside of me too.

My sister has never connected these dots and I doubt she ever would, she's not one for intuition, logic or figuring things out. But I often wonder what our lives would have been like if it were not for that night; if I had an uncle, would I be me? Probably not. How does this change my relationship with my sister? Should it even change anything with her? I dislike her to no end, so I don't know! But often go back to thinking of my Mom, I think about this life that she and my grandparents had long before I was born. A life with a brother and son.