Absent information...

The mind is an echo chamber. That's why its good to get outside opinions. You let a few stray thoughts ruminate too long inside your head and you're done for. The voices catch up to you, everything's a conspiracy, faces become ugly when you are alone, women seem wicked when you are unwanted, streets are uneven when you are down ...Or something like that.

The truth of the matter is that from time to time our minds are our own worst enemy. Take, for example, me! I'm over think everything to the point of paralysis. Now, my ability to think through things is my greatest asset: I can see the whole problem and often can craft a great solution. The problem is that sometimes I'm allowed to ruminate on a problem far too long, it becomes too personal, I can't separate facts from opinions, and shit happens. I think this happens to all of us, but I'd rather pick on me than you. So lets consider me.

Absent information, I supply my own. That's the worst. I have no clue what The Girl thinks of our situation and so I supply my own narrative instead of just relaxing and letting it be. You see, she didn't exactly come out and tell me she is coming. She told me as she was telling Jimmy (see Last Night... post). Obviously, she wanted me to know (otherwise she wouldn't have used my blackberry as her medium) but in my mind this causes 3 scenarios:

1, She wanted to kill two birds with one stone and told me while talking to Jimmy. Its texting after all. Not fucking Shakespeare. Don't read too much into it. Dick.

2, She knew I would find out sooner or later and thought that through Jimmy she could 'tell' me without telling me, thus diffusing a situation where she has to say "but I'm not spending time with you while I'm here, I'll be busy." AKA, I'm coming to see other people, and you're gonna turn it into something its not. Fuck off.

3, She wanted to tell me but Jimmy was there and the moment seemed inevitable. In this scenario, she wanted it to be a quasi-surprise but since Jimmy brought up her coming to Philly she felt like "well, the cat is out of the bag" and just went with it. I'm coming to see other people, but all I really wanna see is you.

And from these scenarios you have sub-scenarios, or offshoots. I could show you a flow chart of 'if-thens' but you'd probably shoot me. Or just quit reading. You made it this far, right? Good.

The problem with thinking through this stuff like so is that I'm assigning to her assumptions that I don't even know are remotely true. It could be none of the above or a bit of all three. I have no clue what she thinks and I can't ask her without causing a house of cards to fall and getting stonewalled. She's a cake in the oven: too much movement and it'll fold. I hope she's a triple chocolate cake. That'd be lovely.

We do this, and we're horrible at it. We don't just over think things, we supply our own information when there is none through faulty assumptions! I need to stop. I need to get out of the echo chamber. I need to fuckin' zen.

Yeah, I just verbed that shit. And you should too.